Geezums.... I've been Jonesing to write, and simply seem to have so much to say I don't know how to squeeze it all in. Friendships, family, politics, social issues, general injustices, daily victories and lamentations.... name it, it's been running through my mind. So I'll try to tackle some here.
Since this is a relatively benign topic, and just on the heels of Women's History Month, I've been thinking about women's issues. Given that I'm one of two resident scribes, it totally chaps my ass that nobody ever looks to a man to keep meeting minutes. I don't care if it looks like Jeffrey Dahmer channeled your hand for your awful chicken scratch... that's not what goes out in the official minutes. And it's not like I'm any less educated or have any small opinions... and I don't have a tool to make the process manageable during the meeting(s) so my day is then further comprimised by the need to transcribe minutes. My bitching would surely decrease if I had a work-issued tablet or laptop. Just sayin' (a lot, by the way.)
More to the point, we watched Miss Representation last week as one of the Women's History Month events. I found the documentary to be very interesting in many ways. It made me incredibly thankful that my mom was able to raise me in ways that gave me self-confidence, even if I'm not the most beautiful, most physically fit person ever. That's not to say that I don't ever feel "less than", but most days I can appreciate the unique beauty that lies in all of us. What struck me more in the documentary was how smart, hard-working women are perceived. I think there is some truth to the notion that women who go after what they want are perceived as conniving or bitchy. I'm pretty laid back and spend a great amount of time trying to diplomatically bring forth ideas... but I wonder if that's an offshoot of being a woman? Were I a man, would I give two shits how I am perceived? And what am I doing to shape how other young women perceive themselves and others? Do I joke around too much? Do I not redirect questionable behavior enough? Who's to say? I do try to provide a listening ear and see the world through their view and go from there.
And how does sexuality play into all of this? I can appreciate a certain level of promiscuity and whatnot.... but at what point does a woman sell herself short? You can argue the point that men do it, so women should do it too. But *most* women can't walk away from sex like men can. It's just not in our DNA. So many women play the game, give it up in the first couple of weeks of dating, and then what: the challenge is gone? she was suddenly too easy? she's too needy or wants too much of a relationship?! It's no wonder so many women are batshit - can't win for losing!
And let me be clear: this isn't just man-bashing. Fellas, you have your own crosses to bear. You're expected to be strong, be the breadwinner, still hang with the guys, climb your career ladder, deal with crazy women (every man has at least 1-2 crazy women - she may not be at home, but that bitch is somewhere!) and still come home to a woman who was so quick to give it up when you first started dating to being frozen out of intimacy a few years later. It's basically just a cycle of brain-fuck. It's amazing there are EVER success stories.
And then there's the talk of equal rights for gays and same-sex marriage. At the end of the day, there's simply not enough love to go around. I applaud anyone who attempts marriage. While I struggle with my own thoughts and ideas about marriage, I still am stunned when I find married couples who are truly happy together. Heteros sure haven't done a good job of holding the sanctity of marriage to any respectable standard - least not in this chick's world. And as far as equal rights go, we ALL should have the right to be able to go to work and come home without fear of harm, harassment, or retribution. We should ALL be able to love and love in return. Just because I'm not gay doesn't mean that I have the right to lay judgments on people. The only thing I need to do is focus on trying to treat people with kindness... except for that one hetero bitchlet coworker - but she has earned the wrath of many. :)
I had the opportunity to try and help someone today whose situation is like looking into a crystal ball of what could be a close family member in a few months if things don't turn around. Helping this student was like putting all the effort I feel like I can't put into my family situation because this student seems to actually value my concern and opinion... not that those aren't considered by the family member, but I think a little distance can go a long way in helping some folks work through stuff. And sometimes close family is just not far enough - for perspective or anything else. On the one hand, I get it. On the other it's SO incredibly frustrating I just want to scream.
Mid-May simply cannot get here soon enough. I need my big sweet man back home for good. There are plenty of things to keep me occupied between now and then - and I'm certainly grateful for the distractions. But this time apart has helped me to realize just how very much he means to me. I hate that we are having to be apart, but I am certainly grateful for the fresh perspective it's brought to our relationship. I think we're certainly stronger for it, even if it SUCKS in the mean time.
Well the voices seem somewhat sated...
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