In my younger days I was married. He was a good person, but ultimately was unable to handle the day-to-day challenges that come with the expected functionings of adulthood. During that time, I managed to increasingly cope by shopping, hanging with friends and "getting a lil' drink on." It was my way of coping with an unhappy situation, and I definitely didn't cope the right way. Over a series of several years and with interest how it is on credit cards, I find myself years later still trying to climb out of the hole I/we dug all of those years ago. It sucks.
On the one hand, I know I could probably give up, file for bankruptcy - or at least loan consolidation. But I've worked my ass off to ensure my credit stays in respectable shape, even if I don't have any credit left to give. And besides, I knew, sorta, what I was doing when I did it, and now I'm paying the consequences for it. I've earned it. I get it. But a little break sure would be nice.
The most frustrating part now is that I have a rather big "X" factor I'm having to contend with. I don't know the length to which I will be needed to help, and I don't know how much to expect to need to deal with it. And then my "Y" factor is having my house go on the market this weekend. I'm cautiously optimistic it'll move quickly, which will really, really help the financial situation. Houses in my neighborhood have been flying off the market, so here's hoping mine will take off quickly as well. I only need to make a few minor fixes that I know of, so that's comforting. The "Z" factor is my car. My little Hoppity just crossed 200K, and is showing it! I'd like her to make it another year, but the reality is that the fixes she's going to be needing in the future aren't cheap ones. And who wants to constantly worry about whether the car is going to keep going or not?
At the end of the day, I'm wondering what to do for a steady side gig. I've got enough skills and talent to be useful for something, I just don't know what that is. And let's face it: who really wants to work more? Not this chick, but I think I want to have a secure financial future more than just having one job.
All that said, and given the tone of my April posts (hello, Debbie Downer!), there are two awesome things to April: bluebonnets (and Texas wild flowers in general) and the weather. It's been gorgeous these last few days, and I've been fortunate enough to take advantage of the glory. We have a crazy cold front coming in tonight, but it'll be a faded memory by Thursday. And this weekend is my first bike rally for the year. Just doing the short ride so we can get back to the festival for BEER!!
And because the good always outweighs the bad, I have had an awesome few days, catching up with old friends and hanging with some newer ones, too. I got to visit with my #1 blog supporter, whom I haven't seen in about 4 years. That was awesome. Given the fucked up male role models in my life (promise, I'm not saying that lightly), he has been a good one - even if he didn't come along until my mid-20s. And today was for catching up with an old co-worker-cum-friend who moved away, but is wholly responsible for the big guy and I getting together. She will always have a special place in my heart for pushing me to meet him.
Sometimes I need to remember these things because money and car parts will always come and go.
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